marriage compromises: Marrying Without Love is Being a Scoundrel

At 25, my boyfriend of a short time proposed to me.

I blinked and asked him, “Why do you want to marry me?” I hoped he would say, “Because I love you!”

But he told me, “Because my company is allocating apartments, and you can only get one if you have a marriage certificate…”

It turned out, this man wanted to marry me for an apartment. I didn’t know the true meaning of love and marriage, but I knew it was more than just an apartment. At 25, I turned down my first suitor.

Part One

In the blink of an eye, I turned 30, and marriage became my dream. Yet my dream seemed like a series of silent plays, featuring strangers I had never met, and some regular characters, like my boyfriend of one year, Dong.

Dong is a successful businessman. We got along quite pleasantly, with a sense of mutual respect, but it felt a bit too courteous, lacking the friction and clashes that couples usually have. In a year of dating, we never argued, and our friends saw us as a happy couple. I felt this was exactly what Dong wanted – for others to see us as happy and harmonious.

“Juanzi, I think you’ve gained weight,” Dong said, holding my waist.

I examined myself and asked him, “I haven’t gained weight, have I?” Actually, I understood his point. When we first started dating, he said I couldn’t speak English well, so I took classes; then he said my figure wasn’t good enough, so I attended slimming, oil pressing, body sculpting, and aerobics classes without missing a single session. I knew Dong just wanted a perfect wife.

Sure enough, he took out some colorful bills and said, “Take this money, you know what to do.”

I smiled wryly and took the money from Dong’s hand. Dong’s conditions were indeed too good. And for me, at 30, it was an age where I could no longer afford to easily give up.

Part Two

Whenever someone complimented me on my beauty and elegance, I felt both happy and uneasy. Outwardly, I seemed to have transformed from a sparrow into a phoenix, but my confidence had long been shattered. This starkly contrasted with my proud departure at 25 from a man who wanted to marry me for an apartment – it was ironically absurd.

Thus, I kept telling myself to retain that sense of female dignity, while endlessly accepting Dong’s changes. If another man wanted to marry me for an apartment now, I might agree. After all, at 30, a woman can no longer be too picky.

To show I was an independent woman, I had my own social circle and friends. Among them was Amin. It’s hard to find someone you resonate with in life, but Amin and I were such kindred spirits. Yet, this kind of connection might be more suited to friendship. Love between a man and a woman either exists purely on a spiritual level or is built on physical intimacy. The former shouldn’t be tainted with any hint of lust; our mutual resonance was delicately maintained in such a relationship. Because of this, Amin and I could talk about anything.

Amin told me, “Juanzi, if you lose yourself for love, one day, you might lose that love too.”

His words felt like a sharp knife, piercing my pain point. But at my age, I couldn’t be picky anymore, I could only tightly hold onto Dong.

Part Three

Just when we were about to get married, thinking I had firmly grasped this man, an incident shattered my dream. On our new marriage bed, I witnessed Dong lying naked with another woman. After too much suppression, there will be an outburst; that scene was too ironic for me.

After a fierce quarrel and struggle, Dong pulled me aside and said calmly, “Juanzi, don’t be irrational, it’s too unladylike.”

With sweaty palms, still clutching a strand of that woman’s hair, I stood there in a daze… Time stood still, and all I heard was a buzzing in my ears. After a long while, I asked Dong, “Why did you bring this woman to our home?” What I really wanted to say was, why did you let me see all this? But I swallowed those words because the dream was starting to fade!

“Just for fun,” Dong said. “You know, only you are worthy of me.” Lighting a cigarette, he continued, “You should be grateful for my demands. If not for me, you would probably still be that insignificant girl. How would you have such good conditions now?”

Dong was calm, the woman was composed, and I was speechless. His words made my heart bleed, but I had nothing to say.

“You bastard!” I said, slapping him hard. I walked out of that house. The dream wasn’t shattered, it had ended. After the crisp sound of that slap, my steps became lighter.

Part Four

I found Amin, leaning on his shoulder, letting my tears flow freely.

I sobbed, asking Amin, “Am I a terrible woman?”

Amin replied, “Juanzi, actually he was right. If not for him, you wouldn’t have turned into what you are today. Although your appearance changed, your inner confidence was shattered. From head to toe, haven’t you ever liked yourself as you are now, even with these outward conditions?”

“Yes!” I shouted somewhat hysterically. “I really don’t like myself like this. I hate English, hate slimming, hate…”

Amin smiled and said, “You know, falling in love with someone, besides gaining their love, the more precious thing should be enhancing your self-worth. Otherwise, if you fall in love and lose yourself, one day, this love will also disappear. Don’t get married just for the sake of getting married, and don’t change yourself for someone else.” Finally, he added, “Be yourself!”

Like a child, I hooked my pinky with Amin’s and promised, “I understand what you mean. I will!”

In the days that followed, I found long-lost happiness and found my true self. My life belonged to me again, no more damned English, no more slimming, oil pressing, body sculpting, aerobics classes! After work, I could go shopping and have tea with friends. At this moment, I understood what I truly wanted.

Part Five

I made more friends and realized how many wonderful things I had missed.

In a PUB, Amin jokingly asked me, “How does it feel now, big sister?”

Poking his chest with my finger, I said in a high-pitched voice, “Sister is fine, but why add ‘old’? Do I look old?”

He smiled at me and said, “Not old, still very charming.”

We laughed together, and the PUB at night belonged to us “old sisters.” Marriage is not a necessity in life, and love shouldn’t change either of us. Living happily is what matters.

Life can be dramatic. In the PUB, I met Dong again.

“Juanzi, how have you been?” Dong asked.

Shaking my wine glass, I replied lightly, “Very well! And you?”

After a conversation, I learned he wasn’t doing well. When we broke up, I thought I would be happy to see Dong unhappy one day. But seeing him now, I didn’t feel much joy. Perhaps this is letting go!

He grabbed my hand, “Juanzi, come back to me! Without you, I found my life lacking a lot!”

I squinted and told him, “Do you want me to be your girlfriend or wife? Then you’ll have to pursue me again! If I’m happy, I might agree…”

Part Six

Dong started to pursue me again, and even my friends pleaded for him.

I smiled and told them, “Since the appropriate age for marriage has passed, I no longer care. As long as I’m happy, that’s enough. Of course, I have the idea of getting married, but it depends on fate. If it comes, great. If not, no regrets. The sooner it comes, the happier I’ll be. If it’s later, even in my sixties or seventies, it’s just for companionship.”

Dong sighed helplessly, “Juanzi, what will it take for you to marry me?”

Seeing his expression, I couldn’t help but find it amusing. Our roles seemed to have reversed.

Even Amin couldn’t stand it, whispering in my ear, “Juanzi, enough is enough! You’re in the upper hand now!”

Smirking, I said, “Alright, I’ll marry you on the 32nd!”

I – Juanzi, am not a pitiable old maid, but a happy single woman. I won’t get married just for the sake of it. Love and marriage come from fate. Fate is up to heaven, but action is up to people. Want to marry me? Sure! I’ll marry you on the 32nd!

Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “