Campus love story
“I think we should break up.”
“Huh? What did you say?” She was still lost in the beautiful fireworks, not paying attention to what I had said.
“Um… listen to me.” I held her shoulders to make her look into my eyes.
“We should break up.” I forced myself to repeat what I had just said.
“What? What are you saying? Are you joking?” Her voice started to tremble.
I shook my head weakly, then nodded, “I hope you understand. I can’t love you with all my heart. I’m so tired, you know?”
“Wh… why? We were fine just now…” I could clearly see her tears.
“I… I don’t know how to answer.”
“Can you give me a reason?” She suddenly raised her head, her tear-filled eyes pressing on me, making me too afraid to look at her.
“Um… this… I feel like I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I feel like I don’t love you. The longer this goes on, the more it will hurt. I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t do this to you…” I was obviously very emotional too.
“So this is how you treat me? You think this doesn’t hurt me? You’re in pain? If you were in pain, why did you accept me in the first place?”
“This…” Her series of questions left me speechless. Honestly, I didn’t want to say anything. Whatever I said would only hurt her more, so I chose silence…
She left, tears streaming down her face, leaving behind a single sentence: “No matter what kind of boyfriend I meet in the future, I will never give my all like I did this time. You’re all the same… I hate you!”
October 1st, another day I should always remember. I stood alone at the terminus of Route 20, watching couples walk hand in hand. A feeling welled up inside me. “What am I doing? Why do I keep hurting them one after another…”
Two years ago, I was 20, studying at a vocational school with a decent reputation. Having shaken off the shadow of not getting into high school, I was doing well. As a class officer, I was busy with class work every day, rarely thinking about relationships, yet somehow I got involved in one.
She was the prettiest girl in our class (at least that’s what my friends and I thought). For some unknown reason, she ended up sitting next to me. It was rare for boys and girls to sit together then. Facing the envious eyes of my classmates, I had mixed feelings. “Why did the teacher seat her with me?” I would sometimes wonder.
She was really beautiful. During class, my thoughts would always drift to her. I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t control myself. That’s when I suddenly realized the powerful attraction between the sexes. “This is scientific truth; I can’t change it,” I often thought.
She seemed attracted to me too, though I still don’t know why she accepted me (I’m not handsome, and my physique isn’t great). We got together, maybe because of growing feelings over time.
In the days that followed, we were very happy. I was in great shape, always excelling in my studies. She won first prize in singing at the school art festival. Our classmates said we were catalyzed by love, and I gladly accepted it. I really miss those days. Honestly, I believe love can be a catalyst at times, making people more determined, just as some change their lives for love.
But life is rarely perfect, like in Hong Kong and Taiwan dramas; something always happens…
As she became more prominent at school, she attracted more suitors—handsome ones, talented ones, wealthy ones, and even some rough ones. This put a lot of pressure on me, being somewhat average in everything. Though I knew she loved me the most, I still couldn’t untie the knot in my heart. A perfect girl is always hard to approach, let alone live with. Compared to her, I felt very ordinary. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for her…
Three years passed quickly, and we were about to graduate. One day, she said to me, “Do you think we should work in the same place?”
“No, working together wouldn’t be good,” I replied after thinking. Suddenly, I froze, realizing how painful the past year had been. At school, we sat at the same desk every day and it was already like this. If we were out in society and couldn’t be together all the time, I couldn’t guarantee what might happen in the future. I was still too young to handle greater pain, and I had no confidence in our future. “What should I do?” I almost broke down. I suddenly wanted to leave her, to be free, not worrying about these things. But I couldn’t forget her smile, the way she held my arm and listened to my jokes. That night, I couldn’t sleep. Until 3 a.m., after finally making a decision, I drifted off…
This was the biggest decision I had ever made (bigger than the high school entrance exam), and it was also the one I regret the most.
So we broke up. My reason was that I was too young. Though I knew it was an unbelievable excuse, I still used it. She cried.
That Valentine’s Day was my first as a single person again. I received a card from her. She said she missed those days and hoped we could have another chance. Caught in a conflict and pain, I wrote back, telling her not to write to me again…
Another three years passed. In those three years, I grew up and matured. I tried to accept other girls and forget her, but every time I ended up hurting them. Subconsciously, I always compared them to her, and they were just her shadows. I couldn’t accept any other girl because I truly loved her.
Three years later, I deeply regretted it, no, extremely regretted it. Why did I give up back then? Because I was afraid of hurting? But in the end, I kept hurting other girls’ feelings, perhaps including her. Why couldn’t I bravely accept it? Because I truly loved her.
If you love her, you should love her with all your heart. Don’t let her get hurt, and don’t be afraid of being hurt. Because if you fear being hurt, she will be the one truly hurt by you.
If you love her, don’t give up.
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
