Sad love tale: Love You, Leave You
A girl once asked me, “In this life, will you ever get tired of me, get bored with me?”
I shook my head, promising firmly, “Absolutely not!”
The girl smiled with satisfaction. She always loved to smile.
“Good for you! Because then I’ll keep clinging to you, sticking with you, until the day you do get bored…”
At that point, the girl suddenly turned around, pointed at my nose, and said, “You promised! Even if you have me, don’t get tired of me.”
The girl’s playful yet innocent expression is a memory I hold close from that time. I knew she didn’t want just an answer, but my commitment. The difference between the two is that the latter requires love to maintain.
I recently received the end of my love story with that girl. It wasn’t deeply painful, but it was real. I think it’s because of time; learning the ending years later is easier to accept than if I had known back then. This delayed and slow pain, along with the tranquilizer in the pain, is the last bit of love the girl left for me in this world. It’s not intense, but sincere.
The girl loved watching idol dramas. I said they were fake.
She said, idol dramas depict perfect love, while we are the ones interpreting its true meaning.
What true meaning? I asked.
The girl suddenly got very angry, puffing out her cheeks, and pushed me away a few steps.
“It’s love! It’s love!” It was an answer I only understood years later.
The girl and I loved each other through constant arguments, from beginning to end.
Once, in that park, I saw her clearly for the first time.
Her cute little face pretended to be disdainful, pointing at the willow tree on my drawing board, “Hey, what is this? Instant noodles?” I didn’t say much, grabbed my brush, dipped it in water, and “swish, swish, swish” painted three strokes on her face, then laughed wildly.
The girl didn’t laugh, cry, or call the teacher. She stood up, raised her neck proudly like a peacock, pointed a finger at me, and puffed out her cheeks, “Childish! Bad guy!”
Compared to the countless similar names later, I liked her angry look at me the most. The arrogant me was attracted by the girl’s stubbornness and pride. It was a wonderful feeling, like a crystal on a crown is irresistible to a woman.
“Were you really angry with me back then, thinking I was mean?” A year later, the girl curled up in my arms like a cat, reminiscing about our strange encounter.
“Not at all. I thought you were beautiful then.” I answered seriously.
“Really?” The girl lifted her head, blinking her big eyes.
“Yes, that was the real you. Just like when we’re together, it’s without any impurities, as flawless as jade.”
“You’re lying. I’m not that good.”
“Because I love you, silly girl.” I hugged her head.
Time flies, and I still remember the girl loved seeing me suffer. Whenever I looked helpless, she’d smile, showing her cute little tiger teeth. I’ll never forget the time I treated her to a cold drink but didn’t bring enough money. The girl seriously handed over a five-yuan bill, looking like a rich person, “Today’s treat is on me.” I felt embarrassed and didn’t dare speak to her. The girl laughed heartlessly.
After laughing enough, she came to my side, stood on tiptoe, and whispered in my ear, “Big dummy, I took that five-yuan bill from your pocket, hehe…”
I pretended to teach her a lesson, but she had already turned into a burst of laughter and fragrance, leaving me far behind.
Though the distance between us was long back then, as long as I was willing, I could always reach her someday. But now, no matter how hard I run, I can never hold her hand again, only her faint memories remain.
We broke up on a very fitting rainy day.
She stood at one end of the hallway, I stood at the other, outside was continuous rain.
I looked at her, feeling a bit uneasy,
She looked at me, with a hint of sadness.
She didn’t run towards me as usual when we met.
I didn’t hug her as usual when we met.
“Sorry, let’s break up,” she said.
“Oh.”
That one word used up all my courage.
Watching her leave, I started to fear. Found a corner, squatted down, hugged myself, curled up.
Suddenly, the rainy world felt so cold.
Several days of rain, I threw away my past, threw away everything about her, including my innocence.
In my diary, I wrote, “Thanks to all who hurt me, you forced me to grow up.”
This sentence, five years ago, was filled with hate, but five years later, it became a kind of freedom.
During those rainy nights, I found words to entrust my life to, writing some sentences.
Love is an apple on a tree. When you can reach it, you find you’ve already grown up.
20XX, Shanghai.
I sorted out my things for the trip and found a card with a string of numbers on a pink background.
This was the password that awakened my memory, as if I was back in that park, seeing her again.
It was the girl’s QQ number.
With mixed feelings, I logged into her space and clicked on that gray page.
I was a little surprised; the girl hated gray.
Scrolling through her classmates’ messages.
20XX.7.8
Brave Xiao Mo, everything’s fine in heaven, right? Be happy—
20XX.7.9
Xiao Mo, don’t worry, we will bless you.
20XX.7.10
Goodbye Xiao Mo, may you be safe. Are angels really beautiful? Xiao Mo, I miss you.
…Xiao Mo…
For a long time, I turned off the computer screen, my mind full of the girl’s last updated mood.
The boy I love told me, “If I die and you live on, that would be the most guilt-inducing thing for me. Because I won’t be able to share your loneliness anymore. So, I’d rather he knows nothing.”
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
