First love stories: Whose Youth Doesn’t Have a Crush
In the second year of high school, faced with the choice between the arts and sciences, most of my close friends chose the sciences, while I resolutely chose the arts. During the early days of the new term, I felt isolated, like a lone wolf lost in the wilderness.
Silent and reserved, I often stared desolately at my textbooks, trying to find solace in the lifeless words. During those days, I repeatedly listened to Pu Shu’s song “Train to Winter.” The sad melody, hoarse voice, and indistinct lyrics washed over me. In those dim days, I fancied myself as a “train heading towards winter.”
On the tracks of youth, I dreamed of being on a green train, meeting a girl as charming as lilacs at the end of the line. In the train car, a girl with a pink scarf would gracefully walk towards me, and eventually, I’d hold her in my arms as we walked off the train together, towards a brighter future.
The lonelier I felt, the more this far-fetched fantasy occupied my mind. At night, my emotions rolled like waves, drifting on the endless cliffs of the sea.
I remember the lyrics of “Train to Winter” like this: “Tomorrow is a town without love / I will silently pick up my winter / A weary train / Strangers all around / Where is the field I once roamed?” Love, for the young me, was too distant and too extravagant. Born into poverty, my clothes were always so dull, my small frame could never lift a noble head.
Back then, I was filled with inferiority, finding a bit of comfort only in my grades. Love only appeared in fleeting fantasies, and I never dared to hope for a noble love to befall a poor child like me.
I continued to listen to Pu Shu’s sorrowful songs, feeling as if I were that dilapidated train heading to a town without love. Unexpectedly, one day, the girl of my dreams quietly approached me, sweetly calling my name. Bit by bit, she shattered my long-standing sorrow, and I unhesitatingly embarked on a journey of unrequited fantasy.
I still remember that night, when the beautiful class representative, Shali, walked over to me and unexpectedly asked, “Are you Xue Chenyu?” I responded, my voice so soft only I could hear it. Out of shyness and inferiority, I didn’t dare to look at Shali, keeping my head down and scribbling on my notebook. Yet, Shali’s breath was so close, and as the class beauty, she was so beautiful, so smart, with such a lovely voice. Her lips, like pure lemon slices, emitted a faint fragrance.
Perhaps to ease the tension, Shali smiled at me and said, “Your name sounds so nice.” Shali, the enigmatic girl with short hair reaching her ears, had become the most popular host at school events with her sweet voice. It was said that a truckload of boys couldn’t compete for her affection.
At that moment, I gratefully watched her walk away from my seat. No girl had ever said my name sounded nice, no girl had ever smiled so sweetly at me. I had always thought my name was so plain, plain like a straw bag. Shali’s unintentional praise gave me a bit more confidence.
In a daze, I remembered Shali had come to collect the group fee, and hurriedly handed over the prepared fee to her. When she recorded it in her notebook, her delicate face was very close to mine, a nearly suffocating temptation seeped into my nostrils, making me tremble uncontrollably.
After the evening self-study session, back in the dormitory, I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep, replaying Shali’s words to me over and over. Her approach, her beauty, her smile, and the moment she turned away, replayed in my mind like a movie, constantly stimulating my nerves.
Since then, unrequited love accompanied me through long nights, continuously imagining Shali as my girlfriend. In my dreams and outside them, it was always Shali’s beautiful eyes. I gently caressed her hair, handing her flowers again and again. Her slight smile, more powerful than a thousand words, erased all my sorrows and inferiority completely. That crush, so beautiful and so enduring.
Occasionally, Shali would ask me for help with some very simple math problems. She called my name and walked towards me briskly. Actually, those math problems were very simple, some were even examples from the textbook, but Shali claimed she couldn’t understand them and asked me to explain.
Each time, I restrained myself, only explaining the problems without saying an extra word. But Shali didn’t know the turmoil in my heart, as I missed her again and again. This girl, adored by everyone, made me fall into a prolonged crush.
Shali asking me for help with such simple math problems made me think she was intentionally getting close to me. Why? She was so beautiful, from a wealthy family, and so pure. Could she be in love with me? Was she sent by God to save me?
I thought wildly, silently loving Shali without telling anyone. I couldn’t believe Shali would like me, as the difference between us was too great. She was a princess, and I was a peasant; how could we be together?
On one side were sweet fantasies, on the other, hopeless destruction. Missing Shali for half a year, I began to numb myself with degeneration. I wandered into the game room, immersing myself in horse racing games, losing all the money in my pocket, fantasizing that Shali would come as an angel to save me, pulling me out of the mire.
One night, it rained heavily, and after losing a month’s food allowance, I walked dejectedly down the street, nervously entering a phone booth, using my last fifty cents to call Shali’s home.
Shali happened to answer the phone, and she politely asked, “Hello, who is this?” I held the receiver tightly, unable to utter a word. The rain pattered on the street; I didn’t dare to say my name, my heart choking with emotion. After Shali hung up, I held the receiver, muttering crazily, “I am a train heading towards winter.”
After sobering up, I realized that some loves are just products of youth. Whose youth doesn’t have a crush? A train heading towards winter still echoes the cries of youth.
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
