Unrequited love
“Hello. My name is Lin Qu. I’m pleased to be your desk mate from now on. Please take care of me!”
Yang Tao looked up. Because of the afternoon sun, she squinted her eyes and sized up the new desk mate the teacher had assigned to her. A clean T-shirt, neatly cut hair, and a very sincere smile—he should be an honest kid. That was Yang Tao’s first impression of Lin Qu.
Though not a prince charming, having an honest desk mate wasn’t a bad thing, Yang Tao told herself.
“My name is Yang Tao. Let’s look out for each other.”
With that, she lay down on the desk and continued to gaze out of the window at the plane tree. She didn’t continue the conversation, as she wasn’t a talkative person, Yang Tao told herself.
“Yang Tao? What an interesting name. I actually quite like eating starfruit. Can I borrow your phone?” Lin Qu broke the silence first.
“It’s in the desk, you can take it yourself.” Yang Tao replied without looking up, still staring at the plane tree across. It was as if she was talking to the air.
After some fumbling, Lin Qu finally retrieved the phone from among various snacks.
He dialed a number gently, and soon, the phone on the other end rang. After a few rings, he put the phone back among the snacks. Throughout this, Yang Tao remained silent, continuing to watch her plane tree.
The sunlight in the classroom gradually lengthened and turned yellow.
Thus, the first day of high school ended with the loud sound of the dismissal bell.
On the way back to the dormitory, Yang Tao picked up her phone to call her mother. To her surprise, she found a new name in her contacts: Xiao Qu’er (Little Qu).
II
Ding. Ding. It was a message from Lin Qu.
“What was the homework the teacher assigned today?”
“It’s ##.”
“Oh, thanks. What are you doing now?”
“Doing homework.”
“Oh oh. I wanted to chat with you, but I won’t disturb you. You can do your work first.”
“No problem. I’m just bored. We can chat while I work.”
It started like that. Every night before bed, Yang Tao had Lin Qu’s messages for company. Most of his messages began with homework questions and ended with a goodnight. In between, they talked about everything from arithmetic sequences to the Iraq war, from Jay Chou to extraterrestrial life.
Back at school, they remained a pair of mostly silent desk mates. It was a strange relationship, Yang Tao told herself.
One day, Yang Tao’s good friend, Ling, asked her, “Do you like Lin Qu? You text him every day. Come on, confess!”
“No way. Are you crazy? Who would like that ‘crew cut’? Seriously!”
“Okay, maybe I was overthinking. Never mind. By the way, a new accessory shop opened near the school. Let’s check it out after school!”
“Mm.”
After responding to Ling, Yang Tao began to feel absent-minded. She was thinking about Lin Qu.
I wouldn’t fall for that crew cut, Yang Tao told herself.
III
One day, Lin Qu sent Yang Tao a message:
“I have a very important question for you today.”
“What is it?”
“Uh, what’s the math homework today?”
“You’re kidding me! I thought it was something important. It’s ##.”
“Oh, right. There’s another important question.”
“What is it?”
“Well, what’s the Chinese homework today?”
“You’re looking for trouble!”
“Hehe, just kidding. Don’t be mad.”
“Seriously. If you tease me again, you’re dead!” Yang Tao said, but she felt a twinge of something inside, like disappointment. She didn’t dare think more about it. It was just the feeling of being teased, Yang Tao told herself.
“Send me your QQ number. Let’s chat on QQ. Texting is too slow,” Yang Tao said.
“Alright, just a moment.”
After successfully adding him, Yang Tao tried to visit Lin Qu’s QQ space, but a question blocked her: “Who do I like?” It was the access permission Lin Qu had set.
Honestly, Yang Tao felt a little shocked. She hadn’t expected someone like Lin Qu to have such a little craziness in him.
With a special feeling, a mix of anxiety and a bit of anticipation, Yang Tao filled in her name, “Yang Tao.”
Unexpectedly, or perhaps as expected, the screen showed a wrong answer.
At that moment, Yang Tao felt a sense of relief. Though she didn’t want to admit it, her heart was mostly filled with disappointment. At that moment, Yang Tao suddenly felt that she had deceived herself. Not by Lin Qu, but by herself. At that moment, Yang Tao finally admitted that she liked Lin Qu. She didn’t know when she had gotten used to Lin Qu’s jokes, his ghost stories, his passionate comments on national affairs, and his nightly goodnight messages.
Quietly, she deleted his QQ number and moved his phone number to the blacklist.
Stop being delusional, Yang Tao told herself.
IV
The next day at school, Yang Tao left Lin Qu with only a view of her neat ponytail. She spent almost the entire day looking out of the window and didn’t speak to Lin Qu. No matter how he tried to make her laugh, she responded only with silence.
Lin Qu was at a loss, while Yang Tao continued to be silent. This cool atmosphere lasted for a week.
Yang Tao transferred to another school because of her father’s job. It was probably forever that she was leaving Lin Qu, and maybe that was for the best, Yang Tao told herself.
Looking at the falling leaves of the plane tree outside the window, Yang Tao was lost in thought but quickly refocused on various grammatical tenses. After all, it was senior year, and to get into her ideal university, Yang Tao had to make up for what she had neglected in her first two years. So, she didn’t have much time to waste. She chose to forget most things, except for Lin Qu, because she couldn’t forget him.
In the blink of an eye, the college entrance exam had begun.
After three days of torment, what awaited was a long and busy holiday.
During a class reunion, Yang Tao met her old friend, Ling. While chatting, they talked about Lin Qu.
“I heard Lin Qu didn’t come today.”
“Oh, really.”
Yang Tao answered lightly, as if it had nothing to do with her. But who could hear the sound of her inner expectations being extinguished?
“By the way, our class has a QQ group, and that guy’s QQ is in it. Let’s check it out. Maybe we’ll find something interesting,” Ling said.
Ling took out her phone and accessed Lin Qu’s space. The same question from two years ago was still there.
“This guy is still up to this. Let’s give it a try. Who knows, we might find something interesting. Haha.”
Ling started typing in the names of the girls in their class, one by one.
Who could it be? Yang Tao had an indescribable feeling.
When Ling was about to type Yang Tao’s name, knowing the result, Yang Tao said, “Don’t type mine. It can’t be me.”
“No worries, let’s give it a shot.”
Not wanting to tell Ling she already knew the answer, she didn’t stop her.
Unexpectedly, Ling mistyped and entered “Yang Tao” (starfruit) instead.
Ling gained access.
Seeing Ling’s astonished face, Yang Tao slowly took the phone.
V
In Lin Qu’s space, there were only a few logs.
1. “Today, following the teacher’s directions, I saw her. She is a quiet person. When she looked up at me, I felt a strange feeling. Through her deep eyes, I seemed to see a calm lake. All the words I had prepared were swept away by my accelerated heartbeat.
When she responded, I came to my senses and could only smile hastily. Fortunately, I had some courage. I got her phone number today and started chatting with her under the guise of asking about homework. I hope I can chat with her every day from now on.”
2. “Today, I read a novel and remembered one line: ‘Words and actions must be timely, or you’ll end up with nothing when the moment is gone.’ Should I be braver? That’s what I thought, so I sent her a message saying I had a very important question.
But when she asked what it was, I suddenly lost my courage. I was afraid she would reject me. I was afraid she would ignore me. I am so useless.”
3. “Today, she asked for my QQ number. I suddenly thought of a way, maybe to help me confess indirectly. So, I asked her to wait a moment and set an access permission in my QQ space. The answer was ‘Yang Tao.’ I remember telling her that I liked starfruit when we first met. Maybe this way, she would know my feelings. But what would the result be? I really want to know.”
4. “The worry finally came true. She began to ignore me. No matter how I tried to make her happy, she remained silent. She must have found out. She really doesn’t like me. I was too naive and made such a big mistake. But what can I do now? Even though I really don’t want to lose her, I don’t want to lose our time together.”
5. “I think I have lost her forever. She transferred schools and may never come back. Maybe it’s for the best. If I hadn’t confessed, we might still be good friends. I could still tell her jokes, still send her ghost stories at midnight, and she would still message me back saying I was annoying. But all this is now distant
. I have lost her. Looking back, everything with her was like a dream. Like two people cannot share the same dream. From the start, it was just my beautiful fantasy. Now that the fantasy has shattered, the dream should wake up. I just want to say, Yang Tao, I like you. You were my beautiful dream.”
At that moment, the central hall speakers were playing a song from the movie “Love is Not Blind”:
“I want you to stay in my room and love me once more before you leave.
I think love songs are too earnest, making it hard for you to leave me.
There are no poignant scenes or words of love from you.
Even if the lights were dim, it wouldn’t matter. Who are your tears for?
The night says missing someone makes it simple. The stars say the moon is the loneliest.
You were my beautiful dream. Tomorrow, everything will be fine.”
Lin Qu, we really did share the same dream. It’s just a pity that we have both woken up.
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
