Life and Love
A Child Lost in the Womb
My marriage to Xiaoyu has been fraught with challenges.
For some reason, my mother never liked Xiaoyu. We dated for four years, and she opposed our relationship the entire time. At that time, Xiaoyu and I were in a long-distance relationship, facing many practical difficulties. My mother’s steadfast opposition added to the strain—she raised me alone, and we had relied on each other for over twenty years. I couldn’t ignore her feelings. Consequently, I wavered and eventually gave up.
We each got married to someone else, but our concern for each other never waned. Our mutual dissatisfaction with our respective lives only made us miss each other more. Four years later, we both divorced our first spouses and reunited. My mother said, “You two must have been enemies in your past lives. I won’t look or care anymore. Do as you please.”
Due to these twists and turns, Xiaoyu was already thirty-five when she got pregnant for the first time.
It was a critical period in my career, and Xiaoyu was very supportive. Despite the hardships of pregnancy, she never complained to me and bore it all silently. Being an older expectant mother was tough, especially since she had always been in poor health.
During those months, I was constantly working overtime while Xiaoyu frequently visited the hospital. Every day, I saw her diligently following doctors’ orders, eating various prescribed foods. Sometimes she would eat until she vomited, then she would eat again. Watching this broke my heart. I said, “If it’s too hard, we don’t have to go through with it. I don’t care if we have a child or not.” She replied, “How can we not? We went through so much to be together. If I can’t give you a child, I can’t face your mother, and I can’t face myself.”
One autumn night, while I was in an emergency meeting, the hospital called: “Come quickly, your wife is in danger.”
Xiaoyu was in bad shape, and my mother-in-law was at the hospital too. The doctor said, “She has a congenital heart condition and a gynecological tumor, but she insisted on keeping the pregnancy. Now the baby has died in the womb and must be surgically removed. The problem is, the tumor in her uterus might require removing the uterus, meaning she won’t be able to have children again.”
I anxiously said, “Of course, saving her life is the priority. Do the surgery.” My mother-in-law added, “We haven’t told Xiaoyu that the baby is gone. You mustn’t tell her. She held on for this long for the baby’s sake…”
I hesitated, then walked toward the ward.
The head nurse brought a baby girl and told Xiaoyu the baby had signs of premature labor, so surgery was needed and her uterus might not be saved.
Xiaoyu gripped my hand: “Tell me the truth, is there something wrong with the baby? I can’t feel it moving…”
“The doctor said the baby is fine. It’s the tumor affecting the baby, so we need to deliver early. Hang in there, everything will be okay.” Women are truly remarkable. After hearing my words, Xiaoyu immediately calmed down: “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll get through this for our baby.”
Before entering the operating room, she smiled at me with effort: “Don’t worry, I’ll give you a child.”
The surgery took over three hours, and the doctors were exhausted.
Fortunately, the surgery was a success in the end.
Of course, the baby was gone. How would I explain this to Xiaoyu?
My mother-in-law kept weeping and murmuring “my poor daughter,” which irritated me. As a man in his thirties, I didn’t think having a child was so important. Xiaoyu surviving was already a blessing; I should be grateful.
My mother-in-law said, “Xiaoyu’s heart is heavy. Your mother doesn’t like her, and she’s married you for the second time, feeling very insecure. Finally, she got pregnant, then found out about the uterine tumor… Your career is thriving now, so she’s under a lot of pressure. She truly loves you and fears losing you.”
I said, “Mom, don’t worry, she won’t lose me. Right now, saving her life is the most important thing, everything else is minor.”
The head nurse came running from the hallway and whispered to my mother-in-law for a long time. My mother-in-law’s expression fluctuated, and she looked a bit surprised, then she ran over and said, “Xiao He, I need to discuss something with you. There’s a baby girl born yesterday whose mother abandoned her, probably an unmarried mother. The head nurse asked if we want to adopt her.”
Without thinking, I said, “No. I’m not ready to adopt a child. This isn’t a small matter; it needs to be discussed with Xiaoyu.” My mother-in-law seemed exceptionally clear-headed at this moment, almost like a superhero: “Xiao He, you’re confused. Xiaoyu barely survived, and if she wakes up and finds out the baby is dead, she won’t be able to cope. Now she’s lost her uterus and can’t have children anymore, unless you remarry…”
“Mom, what are you talking about? I said I don’t care if we have kids or not.” My mind was a mess.
“You’re young now and don’t care, but you won’t always think that way. Instead of considering adoption later, it’s better to do it now. I know everyone here, so this can be kept secret and the baby can get registered. Xiaoyu shouldn’t know; just say it’s her early-born baby. Seeing the baby will help her recover, and she’ll get through this.”
I had to admit my mother-in-law’s idea made sense. She said, “If you can’t accept adoption later, we can slowly tell Xiaoyu after she’s recovered.”
The head nurse added, “The baby girl is healthy, scoring ten out of ten at birth. Isn’t this fate? I sympathize with your situation, which is why I suggested this. Nowadays, there’s a queue of people wanting to adopt. Make your decision quickly.” I was convinced.
Xiaoyu Doted on Our Daughter Excessively
This baby girl is now our daughter. It truly seems like fate. As our daughter grew, she looked more and more like me. If my mother-in-law didn’t know the truth, I’d suspect she was my biological child. Coincidentally, our daughter’s blood type is the same as mine—type B.
Xiaoyu doesn’t know the truth and dotes on our daughter excessively. This is probably because she went through hell to have a baby and had her uterus removed. I can’t understand women’s psychology. Our daughter is a blessing. Since she arrived, good things kept happening: my mother reconciled with us, Xiaoyu’s health improved, and my career flourished.
Our daughter is smart but finds studying difficult, so her grades are average. Xiaoyu spends a lot of money and effort on her, starting from kindergarten with piano, clarinet, ballet, and painting classes. Unfortunately, our daughter lost interest in everything halfway through.
When our daughter was in eighth grade, Xiaoyu seriously suggested sending her to study in the United States. I said there’s no need for that; she doesn’t like studying and has no special talents. Before I finished, Xiaoyu got upset: “Isn’t she your daughter? You only see her shortcomings and not her strengths. Her English is the best!”
“The best, but only in the eighties. In her class, there are over ten students with perfect scores.” I almost laughed.
Xiaoyu angrily said, “I mean it’s her best subject. What kind of father are you? Other families prioritize their kids, but you don’t even care about her?”
I agreed to let her make the decision, and I would support her.
Xiaoyu sprang into action. She collaborated with other parents, found a reputable English school, rented an apartment nearby, and moved there to stay with our daughter for over a year. Our daughter’s English improved significantly, and she passed the English exams required to apply for studying abroad. I didn’t get involved in these arrangements; Xiaoyu handled everything. When everything was ready, she worried, saying, “We don’t have enough money. Our daughter has never suffered at home. Abroad, she’ll struggle with food and lodging. Without money, how will she manage?”
I said, “Studying abroad means enduring hardships. If you don’t want her to suffer, don’t choose this path.”
“You should find ways to earn more money instead of making sarcastic comments. You’re such a terrible father, acting as if this daughter is adopted, showing no care for her at all.” She said, displeased.
“Dear, don’t tempt me to corruption. We can’t afford to be reckless. We’re just salaried workers; where can I find more money?”
Xiaoyu tapped my forehead: “You’re so stubborn. Can’t you think of ways to earn risk-free money? What’s called gray income? Gray means legal but unreasonable, not illegal. Illegal is black income.”
I laughed at her argument: “You sound so convincing. Someday you’ll send me to prison, and you’ll cry about it. Read the newspapers; there’s always a corrupt official getting caught. You’re a foolish woman, spoiling our child and harming your husband. Truly foolish.”
Preparing to Reveal the Truth to Xiaoyu
The plans for studying abroad were finalized, and our daughter was accepted by a girls’ school in the U.S. to continue high school. Both my mother
and mother-in-law gave us several thousand yuan to support her studies abroad, but even with that, finances were tight.
The following year, I was assigned to lead an important project, which required a trip to the U.S. I detoured to visit my daughter. She was adapting well but hadn’t made much progress in her studies and wasn’t frugal. I gave her a stern lecture.
Our American partner was a private business owned by a Chinese American. Learning that my daughter was studying in the U.S., they privately offered to provide some financial assistance for her. I firmly refused. Somehow, Xiaoyu found out and argued with me, saying a little help from them wouldn’t affect my career.
She said the decision to work with them had already been made, so accepting some benefits for our daughter was only fair. I replied, “If I accept their money, I’ll feel obligated. This is my job; you shouldn’t interfere.”
Xiaoyu ignored me for several days. My mother-in-law privately advised, “Xiao He, I think it’s time to tell her the truth. Otherwise, her spoiling the child to the point of encouraging you to make mistakes is too foolish.” I said, “Mom, biological or not, the child should be treated the same, and spoiling is bad either way. It’s better not to tell her. Revealing the truth would be bad for our daughter and might be too much for Xiaoyu to handle. She’s psychologically fragile.”
Unexpectedly, Xiaoyu stubbornly went behind my back and arranged with the American company for our daughter to receive a stipend under the guise of working part-time, supplementing her expenses in the U.S. This came to my attention when our American partner mentioned it while we were sorting out some discrepancies in our project. They didn’t want me to investigate too thoroughly, so they revealed the truth.
That day, I sat in my office for a long time and finally decided to: return all the money our daughter received and confront Xiaoyu.
Never Mention It Again
I returned home early that weekend. Xiaoyu wasn’t there, probably because she didn’t expect me back so soon.
The house was clean and orderly. I entered our daughter’s room, which Xiaoyu often used after she went abroad.
There were several books on psychoanalysis by the bedside. Xiaoyu is an accountant; I wondered why she was reading these. Opening them, I saw many highlighted sections. There was a prescription slip inside, with her name on it. The diagnosis read “depression”—my mind went blank for a moment. She has depression? How could I not have known?
I searched her computer and found her QQ space. Only then did I realize how lonely and insecure she felt. Her worries had no outlet, and her longing had no relief. She suffered from severe insomnia but didn’t want to disturb my sleep, so she moved to our daughter’s room. In reality, she desperately craved my care.
My resentment toward Xiaoyu diminished. I deeply felt my negligence. How long had it been since I took her for a walk or a movie? How long since we had an intimate conversation or shared marital affection? While I was blaming her for spoiling our daughter, had I thought about my role in her education?
At that moment, I decided never to reveal the truth about our child to my wife. What truth was there, really? Our daughter had grown up with our love and care. What difference did it make if she was biological or not?
Before Xiaoyu returned, I went to the market and bought fresh vegetables and flowers, awkwardly preparing a dinner. That night, we rekindled the intimacy of our courtship. Xiaoyu’s expression was one of surprise and joy, eventually leading to tears of happiness.
I didn’t mention her depression. Since she didn’t bring it up, I pretended not to know, to avoid reinforcing the idea of depression. I believed my love could completely heal her. I only told her about the issues with the American company. Before I finished, Xiaoyu said, “Let’s return the money. I’m sorry, honey. I was wrong.”
Finally, we discussed our daughter’s education and future like any ordinary parents. The mystery of our daughter’s birth will remain a secret forever.
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
