A Hint of Rain
Prologue
The closest distance in the world is not the one before our eyes or a fleeting moment, nor is it a thought or a vow, but the hearts of you and me, no matter where we drift. Because you know I love you.
1. Departure
The train starts, and my heart feels desolate. That line from Huang Lei, much like a sentence from Tagore’s famous words, keeps echoing in my ear.
The wind will always stop where it’s heading. This, I only understood after you left. After you left, the grey sky seemed to have a very light, almost imperceptible rain, small enough to almost float away. But it didn’t actually rain, as no one used umbrellas and the ground was dry. In the car lights, only the dust danced freely, without danger.
2. Pause
Your gaze, drifting farther away, held unspeakable words and a crystalline light. Then you walked out of the ticket gate, disappearing from my sight. In an instant, the whole world in my eyes turned damp and blurry, an inexplicable sign. When I saw other couples bidding each other a lingering farewell on the platform, I really wanted a platform ticket. So I longed to run to another place leading to you, but I lost my way.
I stood in the darkness, looking at the endless train body, silently recalling every moment we just had, wanting to cry. I guessed where you might be in some corner now, with what kind of expression, helpless. My hand reached out a beat too late, leaving only memories to hold. The scene of parting seemed to freeze in my memory for centuries.
You know, at such times, turning away means a long wait. I wait for you, you wait for me, how many flowers fall in dreams? What remains is: one night apart, a hundred days of long waiting. No one can be sure where our next meeting will be. Even the black night sky turned pale with helplessness.
3. Reminisce
Returning to that cold courtyard, the sky was the same as yesterday, with a strange color I had only seen once in my life, black mixed with blue, blue edged with white. You saw it too and were surprised by the combination of those colors.
I still remember when we saw such clouds together, it was at midnight, holding hands, walking at the intersection of Beida Road and Hualin Road, savoring pickled vegetables. Now it’s midnight again, but the leftover pickled vegetables can’t be found. Some things are like the taste of those pickled vegetables; once tasted for the first time, you will remember the taste for a lifetime. And you will deeply love that taste. But tasting it the second time, you can no longer find the same feeling.
4. Searching
Sitting in front of the computer, I stared at the sea-blue screen, browsing the words you posted online. The speakers played “The Back” repeatedly. Over and over, it seemed like I was searching for a moment from your past, that feeling was mysterious to me, more mysterious than the legends under the pyramids. It was one of your favorite songs. It had an unavoidable tone.
Your words remained so melancholic, your eyes could still move the heavens. Yet you stayed silently in that barren land in your heart, perhaps reminiscing, perhaps searching for something in the future life, or maybe waiting, maybe helpless. I seemed to see clouds rising in the moist air, and then the whole world immersed in a smoke-like, dust-like mood.
Every time, in front of the computer screen, I would start to feel a faint heartache, but tears left no traces. I happily revolved in your past, happily observed everything about you in the tunnel of time. Suddenly I realized that I seemed to have become you, sweet with your sweetness, sad with your sadness. Walking out of the illusion, I understood what love is. The past is like the wind, blowing away the past and further past. Perhaps life is like this fascinating illusion, hiding not only love but more pain.
When you first came to this city, I often seriously explored the world in your eyes. At that time, our gazes rarely had freedom, mutual understanding often sublimated in the sad melody. You didn’t want to tell me your worries, afraid I’d be sad. I knew, because you loved me. But I really wanted to share the silver melancholy in your heart, so I kept searching. Thinking of this, the heartache felt like a knife, I tried to bear it, but tears quickly flowed down my cheeks. Inexplicable.
Maybe as you said, the feeling of looking back at the past hides heartache, but tears betrayed everything.
5. Concern
Mother went back to sleep in her and father’s bedroom, leaving the next room to me alone. I was locked in a room that overflowed with air conditioning coolness, hugging a pillow from my father’s room that still held your scent, curling up alone in the quilt. The sky peeking through the half-opened curtain was pale, the strange clouds already silently taken away by the wind. A drop of water hung in the sky, not daring to fall.
Until everything turned dark, everything turned bright again, I realized I had woken up. The color on the quilt had deepened into a large patch, wet and cold, pressed under my cheek. My mind was full of your gaze when you left, your gaze was enough to make God cry. This situation might seem terrifying on some people, but you could change everything.
6. Hint
I pulled open the dark blue curtains, through the tea-colored glass, saw the misty raindrops outside entwined with the hot and humid air, falling, falling. When they embraced and touched the ground, they would be happy. Passion and sorrow often escape relations.
That night after you left, I always felt it rained lightly for a while. But it didn’t actually rain, no one used umbrellas, the road was dry. In the car lights, only the dust was dancing. But in many moments after you left, I felt it really rained, and that scene became deeper in my impression. The raindrops seemed more delicate and abundant, drifting in my heart over and over.
7. Happiness
I understand, the wind also waits, has tears, has love.
You know, in those days you were here, the wind no longer moved forward, it stayed with you; when you left, it continued moving forward, just with a bit more helplessness. Some precious things in the air were also taken away. In the days after you left, this city experienced a typhoon, with occasional teardrops mixed in the wind. I think the wind also fell in love with you, otherwise, it wouldn’t miss you so madly after you left. But you still affectionately called me baby, you left love only for me. I am so happy.
I know, the closest distance in the world is not sweet kisses and lingering embraces, nor daily companionship and nights blending into days, but the telepathy that lets us feel each other’s heartbeat and breath even at the ends of the earth. Because you understand: our souls have long merged into one.
8. Waiting
Love, stays at every place passed by, is attachment.
Affection, sublimates in every lonely night, is longing.
Love, keeps clear in the sealed memory, is eternal.
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
