Southern Girl Misses Northern Boy
When I met you in the northern city, you brought warmth to my entire winter with your sunny presence.
When I returned from the northern city to the southern city, I missed you with all the coldness of that city throughout the entire winter.
My dear, you and I, we struggled against time, but in the end, we did not win.
— Prologue
I always thought that when separation becomes eternal, I wouldn’t miss it. Just like winter leaves and summer returns. But I think I was wrong. When I left the northern city, I began to regret it. I suddenly started to yearn for the air of that city, even more so for you who breathed in that city.
I wondered if leaving was truly the best outcome. Returning to the southern city, where the sun shines brightly, doesn’t necessarily bring warmth.
When I returned to the southern city, it was July. The sun was at its best, yet when I stood at the exit of the station, I still felt a chill. Maybe it was my imagination, but I seemed to hear you lightly tapping my shoulder from behind at the northern city station, mischievously calling me “Xixi” in my ear.
I even longed to see your familiar figure in the crowd, to find my own reflection in your clear eyes. But unfortunately, I forgot, this is the southern city. A southern city with bright sunlight but no warmth from you.
You knew me so well back then, we were like mirrors of each other. You were always bossy, telling me to do this and that, even though you didn’t know if I actually did. You always cared for me, and we survived like hedgehogs warming each other.
Although there was a four-year age gap between us, you often said it wasn’t a problem; when two people want to be together, nothing is a problem. I once asked you if you would still treat me the same after four years. You firmly told me you would. Later, I often wondered if this was the reason you left me.
When I recklessly went from the southern city to find you, when you tapped my shoulder and called me “Xixi,” I turned and gave you a beautiful smile. I stepped forward to hug you and said, “Dear Dabing, I’ve come to see you.” You nodded, and I couldn’t see your expression, but I didn’t want to reveal the tears you shed out of emotion. Now I wonder, were those tears because you were moved by my journey, or because you were certain you loved me?
After going to the northern city, you started taking me around. You were also starting your winter break, and the northern city began to snow. Before seeing you, I had said I wanted to see snow, and you always said you’d take me to see it. When I saw the entire city covered in white, I felt indescribable joy. I loved snow, I loved the vast expanse of white.
I once saw a line in a TV show that said if you walk in the snow, you’ll grow old together. Back then, I hoped to grow old with you. But it seems that phrase didn’t come true; we got lost in the snowy winter.
One day, I accidentally saw your diary. Curiosity led me to see the part of you I had never known. If I could regret it, I would rather know nothing. I said, when I was too confident that you wouldn’t leave me, it was because you were too confident you wouldn’t give up. The northern city was already covered in snow, and the weather was extremely cold.
But when I knew these things, I didn’t feel cold because you were in that city. Later, even when I recalled it in the southern city, I still felt desolate because the city no longer had you.
Mabing, are you doing well in the northern city? I stand in the southern city, facing the sun, missing you. Here the sunlight is abundant, but without you, it isn’t warm.
Mabing, do you miss the girl named Lin Yuxi in the northern city? Do you know she once brought the sunlight from the southern city and missed you for a long, long time?
Mabing, the southern girl misses the northern boy. The boy in front of whom I didn’t need to pretend.
The dream should end; I’m still standing at the exit of the southern city station. I watch the trains coming and going, longing to return, but we can’t go back. I don’t know if it’s the sunlight hurting my eyes or if I’m truly sad, but tears keep flowing like broken beads. The southern city, where I’ve lived for over twenty years, I no longer like it. I miss the northern city, I miss you living in that city.
Another winter has arrived, and I’ve started to get used to wandering alone through the streets. The southern city never snows, so I don’t have to think of you in the snow. But I’m still sad. We said as long as time doesn’t age, we won’t part.
But under the pull of time, we still didn’t last until the end. Should I forget, should I let go? I’m sorry, I still can’t forget the boy named Mabing under the moonlight in the northern city.
Later, I only remember Mabing said, if there is a next life, he wants to be a tree, standing forever, with no sorrowful posture. Half in the dust, peaceful, half in the wind, flying; half scattering shade, half basking in the sun. Very silent, very proud, never leaning, never seeking.”
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
