A Fairy Tale of Love: Prolonged Pursuit Can Discount Happiness
A friend pursued a girl for eight years, enduring a long journey only to find that the girl was now with someone else.
“Eight years, even the war was won in that time, but I lost completely. Now I’m truly exhausted, physically and mentally. If there were still a chance, I would pursue her for another eight years, ten years, even eighty years. But it’s too late now,” my friend said, subsequently getting drunk.
I wanted to say, eight years is long enough, and you’re exhausted enough. Another eight years might result in the same outcome. Even if she agreed to be with you, would you be truly happy? Probably not. The joy and happiness you long for would slowly diminish over such a long pursuit. But I said nothing. A drunk, infatuated person can’t understand this.
I thought of Paul Newman. In 1987, at the age of 62, he won the Oscar for Best Actor for his outstanding performance in Martin Scorsese’s “The Color of Money.” From his first nomination in 1959 for “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” to his eventual win in 1987, he experienced seven nominations and seven disappointments over 28 years.
Ultimately, he did not attend the award ceremony. At a small celebration party afterward, Loretta Young asked him how he felt about winning. He said, “It’s like pursuing a beautiful woman for 80 years, and when she finally accepts you, you say, ‘Sorry, I’m too tired now.'” Newman’s long-awaited success left him with mixed feelings.
His experience is unique because most people wouldn’t spend 28 years chasing an Oscar, nor would they spend 80 years pursuing a beautiful woman—after a few years, the beauty would become an old lady. Yet his feelings are universal. When you spend too much time and effort pursuing something, you will inevitably feel this way.
Take “love,” for instance. You might say love is priceless, and I agree, but that’s in terms of money, not time. People often say that love is about meeting the right person at the right time. If a three-year pursuit can bring you happiness, fulfillment, and sweetness, then a ten-year or thirty-year pursuit will likely discount your happiness.
In ten or thirty years, she will no longer be the same person, and neither will you. You might even become weary of love. Yet you persist, perhaps out of stubbornness or because you’ve lost sight of your goal.
When the pursuit becomes a long marathon, it often results in disappointment. Just as someone seeking revenge might struggle and plot for years, finally achieving their goal, only to realize they’ve sacrificed too much of life’s joys and end up empty-handed; you might pursue a loved one for years, win their heart, but discover you’ve missed out on many beautiful experiences along the way, winning the person but losing the essence of love—the feeling is never quite right.
Thank you for reading! ” Sitestorys “
